Suoni Per Il Popolo: Wyrd Fest @ La Sala Rossa

This one's going to be a doozie: 10 bands played the Wyrd MTL festival on June 20th and I only have 600 words to run down each of their sets. Yikes! Get ready for a hardcore attention deficit concert review. This review will be especially difficult as throughout the course of the show the only thing I could say about most sets was that they were "…weird, well not like actually weird, but like, I'm such an idiot because it's called Wyrd MTL. This is so frustrating."

My computer has no word count, so let's get down to business.

1) Headaches: I missed this performance. I'll definitely give the promoters of this show credit for running a tight ship in terms of set times. WEIRD.

2) Shortpants Romance: Worst band name ever. While the set wasn't particularly exciting, I expected it to be infinitely worse. Pretty straightforward nouveau-garage a la White Stripes/early Yeah Yeah Yeahs with a definite Quebecois accent and female vocals. The group's singer seemed dissatisfied enough with their set to prematurely drop her mic and leave the stage. NOT WEIRD.

3) Ultrathin: I missed this band but have seen them a hundred million times. They're usually very good, NOT SO MUCH WEIRD though. You and I will both get a chance to see them again very soon as their presence at 'wyrd' shows is NOT UNUSUAL/WEIRD.

4) The Friendly Dimension: Super heavy and bass driven band of Muppets on acid. This was probably my favourite set of the night. The lead singer's complete lack of traditional stage presence was hypnotizing and his dance moves could only be described as "super whack", which was amazing. I can only really describe this band's badass set abstractly. I felt like I was experiencing a Graviton effect; it's moving super fast and intensely leaving you paralyzed by the sheer weight of the atmosphere crushing you against a wall. The feeling is really fun and you can't experience anywhere else. This might not make sense, but this band had a WEIRD effect on the way I understood music.

5) Man Made Hill: Hoodied one-man electro/noise band. I can appreciate that he was physically into the music he was creating (headbanging or dancing or whatever), but it got a little sloppy when he attempted to add vocals to his intricate noise pad pounding. Kind of underwhelming, but some people seemed to dig it. WEIRD.

6) Hobo Expanding Cult Band: Seemed like a big ol' noise jam band overwhelmed by synth and spoken word. I wasn't so into it and felt disturbed by the spoken word vocals; was it English? Italian? Nonsense? Arabic? Uh, I feel stoned. WEIRD.

7) Dreamcatcher: Basically a more refined version of Man Made Hill with two members, one of which had the job of adding vocals to avoid confusion and add a hint of Suicide to the mix. More drone-y and less dance-y than the previous electro/noise act, I was surprised to see a couple of people really giv'r on the dance floor. WEIRD.

8) Lantern: "ARE YOU GUYS POOR? THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!" Okay, that's a lame and NOT WEIRD thing for a rock and roll band to say, but awful stage banter aside this band was pretty radical. All it took was one guitar, one bass and a drum kit to fill the room with hard-rocking and righteous rhythms while inspiring an overwhelmingly disaffected audience to drop the act and shake their shit. Also, this was probably the one band of the evening that weren't ridiculously reliant on pedals to make their music passable or possible.

9) Dirty Beaches: I love this guy's voice and I really dig his music, but seeing a live set by Dirty Beaches shouldn't be on your bucket list. Most of the set is made up of vocals, a guitar and pre-recorded sampling - a technique rarely used outside of the hip hop world - which is neat but slightly dull if used without a sort of stage show. The first two songs of the set also included a live saxophone player and drummer, which I felt was kind of a lackluster attempt to legitimize the music being played and have it seem less…karaoke? I would tell Dirty Beaches to drop those dudes. It's the 21st century! If you wanna use prerecorded music in a live show you should go ahead and do it! We're all going to be mating with sexbots soon anyway. It SHOULDN'T BE WEIRD!

10) D'Eon: No thank you! 80s dance pop revival songs about Facebook using lame-ass pan flute synth? AND PEOPLE ARE DANCING?! So this is…ironic? Post-irony? NOT WEIRD and NOT INTERESTING and NOT GOOD! If this is where "underground" music is heading I want nothing to do with it. All of these "alternative" individuals grinding away to what may as well be Madonna WEIRDS ME OUT! Go to the club and stop lying to yourselves.

Rob Feulner also provided top-notch trippy WEIRD video visuals all night, making Sala Rosa's bathroom doors the best they've ever been. Period!

-Kelly K hosts Cut Your Hair and Get a Job every Tuesday from 1-2pm