Features

Attention friends, fans and other critics, after a long hiatus, I, The Barstool Genius - The Seagram Sage of saintly advice has returned – ready to answer all your questions and pour the quixotic elixir of wisdom into your souls like whiskey melting the ice in a tumbler.

Recently I received this email:

"Dear Barstool Genius,

There was a point years ago when it seemed as though the Wu-Tang legacy was dying out. Many of the artists had released more solo records, but nothing that had anyone talking. Then 8 Diagrams was released in 2007.

The album was not without its flaws. In fact, it had many. But with RZA’s genius on "The Heart Gently Weeps" and others, it was clear that the Clan still had something in the tank.

First off, a word of warning: Until The Light Takes Us focuses on the Norwegian black metal scene that developed during the early '90s, and doesn’t really provide a concise history of the genre. This is not Black Metal 101, seeing as there is almost no coverage of black metal prior to or outside of that movement. If you’re peripherally familiar with the music and subculture, however, this film will flesh out the facts with some interesting personal perspectives which novices and diehard fans alike will very much enjoy.

THE REVIEW:

Attention ignorant jerks: compared to what’s about to go down, Rock Band’s masturbatory displays are for your little cousin.  Religious beliefs are gonna be suspended. Puppies ‘ll look ugly, Al Gore’s gonna apologize. Think I’m talking about the apocalypse?  Fuck you: that’s in 2012.  

I’m speaking about the upcoming CJLO Battle of the Bands – an occasion that separates the true heroic jerks from the jerk-offs, those who will go on to cut quality music versus those who’ll be in their mid-forties cutting mom’s bushes.