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Omar Goodness is a devoted man. CJLO's music director (and host of "Hooked On Sonics") has spent countless (read: probably thousands of) hours, wasting precious moments of his life listening to a large amount of music spanning differing genres, some of it good, most of it pretty bad. He feels as though he's earned the right to sit in judgement of the bands performing. His mom calls him "nice, humble and caring", a just and righteous man fit for holding the proverbial gavel. Goodness also tends to wear his musical heart on his sleeves: his love of all that combines noise and pop, the sweet and the sour, merged with the strange lust for the mathtacular, angular rock that lives in the bowels of his being are plainly evident to anyone who's been inside CJLO's studios over the last near-decade. His turn-offs include sucking and "choosing style over substance", as well as most nu-metal bands.

The way to Goodness's heart is paved with explosions and other displays of overt pyromania, so bands wishing to bribe him just do well to keep this in mind.

BVST host (as well as layout guru) Angelica claims that being judgmental is what she's best at. Her mother explains that inside of that iron fist she calls a soul, there's a "fair human being". Her cool reserve as well as her ability to dish it out liberally makes her an ideal judge for this particular battle. Having put in her time in the annals of the Canadian music industry (working at one of the country's biggest independent labels for a while), she will take no guff. She can tell good from bad, the terrible from the terrific. Her rock, metal, punk and country tendencies are on display through her Wednesday night show, the longest-running at the station. Don't piss her off by phoning it in or constantly begging the crowd to join in, because that won't work. She can smell that coming from a mile away. Exempt, though, are owners of sweet-ass beards and free brews. An easy bribe for a fierce figure.

Prolifically putting out promo EPs and material since 2007, the band is looking to expand their attack, taking it to air and sea to Deutschland in the next year or two.  Their vibe and sound would not be at all out of place there, where arguably, many of their influences have nurtured their inspiration.  Goth, Industrial, IDM, Aggrotech, whatever you want to call it, this is the kind of dance music that pale kids wearing all black and (in a lot of cases) latex are dancing to with their heads down in existential glee.  They are working on an as-yet-untitled new album which they look to release in 2010-2011 which promises to *ahem* "fucking DESTROY YOU".

With such a simple two person set up, it is certain that this makes their live show open to many possibilities.  Many of the songs they have released are epic length and feel more like dark, moody homages to characters you've never seen, nor would you want to meet.  With laptops and keyboards aplenty and vocal tracks that have been peppered with modulation and filters aplenty, their appearance at the CJLO Battle of the Bands promises to be decidedly combative.

I’ve never seen Electric Six in concert. Well, not until March 11 at Sala Rossa, but I mean before that. I, like many other young romantics who have never taken out a student loan and are bohemian and free spirited enough to let (that’s right, like ALLOW) their parents pay their rent, tend to remember soundtracks to various relatively insignificant events. Or maybe mostly the soundtracks to events that make entertaining stories, thereby impressing or charming those around you, be they friends, acquaintances or urban Montreal residents as a whole (aka Red Mass). Not so much a story for the parents though, and this is why: The first night in my life where Electric Six played a significant role was spent in a refurbished and only relatively familiar basement around Hunt Club (if it matters), Ottawa. This evening was a particularly “mind expanding” and “groovy” one, if you catch my drift (wink, wink). My two not-so-close-but-close-enough high school friends had become obsessed with one of the band’s two most popular singles, 'Danger! High Voltage'. So, between listening to the Beatles, staring at the floor, staring at the ceiling and pathetically attempting to play Backgammon they would sing the lines to each other in a call and response fashion: “DON’T YA WANNA KNOW WHY WE KEEP STARTIN’ FIYAHS! IT’S MY DESIRE!” “Wait,” I thought, “fire in the… Taco Bell? Totally righteous, man.” This statement seemed bold, subversive, overwhelmingly political and important at the time; my curiosity was officially sparked. Also there was that Jack White association, and I’ve always thought he was a total dreamboat.

All this to say that March 11, 2010 I finally had the opportunity to catch the band live, expecting nothing less than a ridiculously crazy show, a potential flashback of sorts and maybe having sex with Jack White. Well, I guess you can imagine I was quite sorely disappointed. In summary: Why was I not being showered in vodka Redbulls? Where are the naked dancing leather-daddys? Where are the numerous man on man on woman sexcapades? More importantly, WHERE IS JACK WHITE?! If you aren’t already completely uninterested in what occurred at the Sala Rosa that faithful Thursday night, feel free to keep reading while I elaborate. If that’s not the case, I won’t be offended if you stop reading now.

I walk into the venue fashionably late. Maybe a little too fashionably late. However, I catch the opening band’s last few songs. They are called Sweet Thing and hail from the GTA, or Greater Toronto Area for those not in the know. They are talented, but quite frankly, who cares. If you are a fan of Rent but dislike any semblance of wit, check them out. Maybe I’m being too harsh, but I didn’t realize I volunteered to review the Canadian Idol jam band 2010; good looking and argyle vested with an affinity for intricate harmonizing, Sweet Thing sound a little like a mixture of Muse, Maroon 5 and ‘Black Parade’ era My Chemical Romance. I just wish they sounded like the Beach Boys. I figured it’d be very difficult to flatter them in this article, and this difficulty came to fruition earlier than expected when conversing with a friend of the band. “What did you think of that last band?” I asked her, waiting around for Electric Six to set up. “Oh, they’re really great, aren’t they? Yeah one of my good friends from Toronto’s in that band! What did you think?” “They were… yeah, totally, they’re from Toronto? That’s nuts!” I reply. Smooth, Kelly. Very, very smooth.

Okay, Electric Six time. Firstly, the crowd is incredibly excited. Also, incredibly French. As an introduction, the band talks about how much Ontario “sucks” and everyone cheers. I then make a mental note to keep my identity and origins secret for the remainder of the evening in fear of complete ostracization. They also cracked a couple region specific jokes about Leonard Cohen. The band looks aged and beer bellied, and at least one of them is wearing clothing reminiscent of my brief mall goth phase at the beginning of high school. Here’s the rundown of set high and low lights in order to keep this whole thing compact.

1)      The band’s lead singer, Dick Valentine, has a pretty neat voice. This is often the band’s saving grace. Because of this, the band mostly sounds like a dancier, but super watered down MC5 for about 75% of the set.

2)      Their lead guitarist looks like Slash with a sheepdog Ramone haircut. For some reason after this line in my notes I wrote “ Donovan? Transcendentenlighten me” so I’ll give y’all that too. Maybe that was the expected flashback.

3)      The song “Down at McDonnelzzz” was a highlight. I just took a listen to the recorded version, and I must say it sounded much better live which was a nice surprise. One of the best songs of the night.

4)      The crowd seemed to be having a great time, which is always nice to see. At least a core group of people were dancing, including one classy broad using her boyfriend as a stripper pole. Probably the most interesting audience member.

Truthfully, the whole show was mediocre at best. This article could very well have been a few sentences long, and it would go like this: “Sweet Thing are not very interesting, kind of like Adam Lambert minus the kitschy bisexual publicity stunts. Electric Six were pretty good, but ‘Gay Bar’ and ‘Danger! High Voltage’ were easily and by far the highlights of the night. If you’ve only heard their singles, take note the band doesn’t really sound like that for the most part. Well, kind of, but much less entertaining.” Like the band themselves said onstage in front of my very eyes, ears and soul: “Maybe Electric Six aren’t cool anymore.” Roger that, Dick Valentine, colour me underwhelmed.

Produced and read by Gareth Sloan.

Reporter pack by Emily Brass.

Stories by Jose Espinoza and Sarah Deshaies.